Talking to Our Kids About Upsetting Events
A Guide for Parents and Educators
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Creating a Safe and Open Environment
Before difficult conversations can happen, children need to know one thing clearly: they are not alone.
A strong relationship is the foundation for emotional safety. When children trust that the adults in their lives are available, calm, and willing to listen, they are far more likely to share their thoughts and fears – whether immediately or over time.
This section focuses on building an environment where questions are welcomed, emotions are allowed, and children know the door is always open.
Avoiding Confusion: Using Clear and Honest Language
When adults feel uncomfortable, it’s natural to soften language. But for children, vague or poetic explanations can create more fear and confusion than clarity.
Children process information literally and rely on trusted adults to help them understand what is happening in a way that feels grounded and truthful.
This section explains why clear, honest language builds trust, reduces anxiety, and helps children make sense of difficult realities without unnecessary confusion.
How Children Process Pain, Grief, and Trauma
Children do not grieve or process pain the way adults do – and that difference is not a problem.
Some children ask many questions. Others seem unaffected and then react later. Emotions may shift quickly from sadness to play and back again. All of these responses are normal.
This section explores common ways children experience pain, grief, and trauma, and offers simple, age-appropriate tools to help them express and process emotions safely.
Public vs. Private Grief
Even when a tragedy impacts an entire community, for families directly affected it remains deeply personal.
Children benefit from learning that empathy includes respecting boundaries – both in real life and online. Not every loss needs to be discussed publicly, shared on social media, or commented on.
This section helps parents and educators guide children in understanding the difference between communal concern and personal privacy, and how to respond with sensitivity and respect.
Addressing Emunah and Difficult Questions
Questions like “Why did this happen?” or “Why would Hashem allow this?” are not signs of weakness – they are signs of thoughtful engagement.
Children don’t need polished answers to these questions. They need permission to ask, space to wonder, and reassurance that uncertainty and emunah can exist together.
This section offers guidance for responding to difficult emunah questions with validation, honesty, and openness – without trying to “fix” or silence doubt.
Helping Children Feel Secure and Empowered
When children are exposed to upsetting events, they may feel helpless or unsafe.
Small, meaningful actions can help restore a sense of stability and agency. Routine, chessed, tefillah, and reminders of the helpers in the world all play a role in rebuilding emotional security.
This section focuses on practical ways to help children feel grounded, capable, and supported – even during uncertain times.
Age-Appropriate Communication
Children at different developmental stages need different kinds of explanations, reassurance, and support.
What comforts a young child may frustrate a teen. What reassures a teen may overwhelm a younger child.
This section breaks down communication strategies by age group, offering guidance for how to speak with children in ways that align with how they think, feel, and process the world.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Difficult conversations don’t need to be perfect – they just need to happen.
Children don’t expect adults to have all the answers. They need honesty, reassurance, and the steady presence of someone willing to listen.
Sometimes the most powerful message we can offer is simple and steady:
I’m here. You’re safe. We can talk about this together.
Downloadable Resources
Download our guide: Talking to Our Kids About Upsetting Events – A Guide for Parents and Educators, and take a few minutes to review it before starting the conversation. Children process upsetting events in different ways – this resource offers practical, Torah-based guidance to help you speak with clarity, calm, and emotional safety.
Responding to a Student’s Death by Suicide:
A Guide for School Administrators
The Torah commands the mitzvah to learn, through the words vishinantem livanecha, we must teach our children. The primary responsibility for being mechanech and educating our children falls on the parents. The school system exists to support this goal. As partners with parents and the family structure, the school administration should seek guidance from and work together with the affected family in any crisis situation. This resource aims to provide support and guidance in fostering such a partnership with empathy and care. We hope to see a day when we will no longer need such resources, amen.
The loss of a student to suicide is a deeply complex event that affects the entire school community. A structured and compassionate response is critical in ensuring appropriate support for students, staff, and families.
Amudim, a nonprofit dedicated to crisis intervention and mental health support, created this resource to help school administrators, educators, and crisis response teams navigate both immediate and long-term challenges.
While focused on suicide-related crises, this guide can be adapted for any tragic event affecting students by adjusting specific details.
Developed with Expert Guidance
This guide was developed in collaboration with leading mental health professionals, crisis response experts, and educators who specialize in suicide prevention and postvention strategies. Our approach is informed by research-based methodologies and best practices from organizations such as:
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)
The National Association of School Psychologists (NASP)
The Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC)
Amudim’s Crisis Response Team
Licensed mental health professionals specializing in trauma and bereavement
Designed as a practical framework rather than a substitute for clinical care, this guide provides clear steps for communication, student and staff support, and fostering a culture of mental health awareness and suicide prevention.
Death by suicide is one of the leading causes of death among young people in the United States. It significantly impacts adolescents, with many experiencing suicidal thoughts, making plans, or attempting suicide.
Prevalence of Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviors:
Source: 2022 NSDUH
22.3% of high school students seriously considered attempting suicide in 2022.
10.2% of high school students attempted suicide in 2022.
Suicide Rates Among Youth:
Source: CDC
Death by suicide was the second-leading cause of death for individuals aged 10 to 34 in 2021.
In 2021, death by suicide was the third leading cause of death among U.S. high school youth (ages 14–18), with 1,952 recorded deaths, a rate of 9.0 per 100,000 youth.
Underreporting of Death by Suicide:
Source: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Death by suicide is often underreported, as some cases may be classified as unintentional or accidental deaths due to unclear circumstances.
Impact on School Communities:
The death by suicide of school personnel or family members can profoundly affect children and adolescents, increasing their risk of distress, grief-related trauma, and suicidal ideation.
These statistics highlight the urgent need for suicide prevention programs, mental health education, and accessible crisis intervention within schools and communities. Schools play a crucial role in identifying at-risk students, fostering open conversations about mental health, and ensuring support systems are in place to prevent further tragedies.
For immediate help, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 for those in crisis.
Immediate Next Steps: Activating the School Crisis Team
As with any death or other crisis event, the school crisis team should be activated after a suicide has occurred.
Verify all information with the family before making any announcements, ensuring accuracy and sensitivity. Follow the family’s wishes regarding what details to share and how to communicate them, respecting their guidance on public dissemination.
Notify the school crisis team. Assign responsibilities and ensure that mental health professionals are available.
Prepare staff before notifying students. Hold a meeting with teachers to ensure a unified message.
Communicate with students appropriately. Provide a clear, factual message, avoiding graphic details or speculation.
Avoid sensationalism. Suicide should not be glorified in any way that might make it appear as an appealing option for distressed students.
Provide access to mental health resources. Ensure students know where to seek support and make professionals available.
Monitor at-risk students. Pay particular attention to close friends, students with prior suicide attempts, and those who exhibit emotional distress.
Communicate with parents. Send a letter home with clear information on the school’s response and available support services.
Reach out to external support services. Organizations like Amudim, Chai Lifeline (Rabbi Fox), and Ohel (Norman Blumenthal) can provide crisis intervention.
Notifying Staff Before Students:
Conduct a staff meeting before school begins.
Ensure all teachers and faculty receive the same accurate information.
Allow staff to ask questions and express concerns.
It is important to allow teachers and other school personnel to ask questions and voice concerns before they face students.
Openly discussing the death by suicide sends the message that it is “ok” to talk about the topic.
For example, when addressing school personnel, the leader of the crisis team may say, “there has been a death by suicide of one of our students, (Student Name).” Then insert facts as they are known but omit graphic details.
Prepare staff to respond to student questions appropriately.
If a teacher does not feel able to talk to his/her students about the death by suicide, another faculty member should be available to assist.
Addressing Students:
Share the news in small, naturally occurring groups (e.g., homeroom, advisory periods).
Avoid large assemblies or public announcements.
Every effort should be made to ensure that all students are present at the time this information is shared so all students receive the same information simultaneously.
Use direct language:
“We are deeply saddened to share that [Student Name] has died. We know that some of you may be struggling with this news, and we want to ensure that everyone has the support they need.”
Avoid phrases like “committed suicide” (which implies wrongdoing); instead, use “died by suicide.”
Include information about the availability of mental health and support services and how students may access these services