Supporting Our Community During Challenging Times
Children process difficult and painful events differently than adults. Some children ask questions immediately, while others hold it in. Some may want to hear every detail, while others need to maintain normalcy and routine. Our goal as parents and mechanchim is to create a home and classroom where children feel safe to ask, to feel, and to process without confusion or fear.
This guide provides Torah-based strategies to help children navigate these nisyonos, process their emotions, and build resilience while maintaining a sense of security and trust in their parents, rabbeim, and in Hashem.
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Creating a Safe and Open Environment
- The most important message we can give them is: “We are here for you. You can ask us anything.” Some children will talk right away, while others need more time.
- We cannot force a conversation, but we can ensure they always know the door is open whenever they are ready to talk.
- Some children process emotions through drawing, writing, or playing rather than talking directly. Paying attention to these clues can help us understand how they are feeling.
Avoiding Confusion: Use Clear and Honest Language
- Avoids Confusion: Phrases like “we lost them” or “they went to a better place” can make a child think the person can be found or that there’s no reason to feel sad. Instead, say: “Their body stopped working, and their neshama went up to Hashem.”
- Matches Developmental Understanding: Younger children take things literally and need clear explanations, while older children need structured clarity to process their thoughts and emotions.
- Builds Trust: When adults use honest, straightforward language, children feel safe to ask questions and express emotions without fear of being misled.
- Encourages Healthy Emotional Processing: When children understand what is happening, they can better articulate their feelings and seek support.
- Prevents Misinformation: Children may hear incorrect information from friends, teachers, or media. Honest conversations from trusted adults help them navigate complex emotions with confidence.
How Children Process Pain, Grief, and Trauma
- Some children ask many direct questions, while others process quietly.
- Children can shift emotions quickly—one moment sad, the next moment playing. This is normal and does not mean they aren’t affected.
- Older children may carry silent worry and need extra reassurance that all feelings—sadness, anger, confusion, numbness—are normal.
Helping Children Cope
- Use visual metaphors: “A person we love leaves an imprint on us, like a handprint in Play-Doh. Even if they’re no longer with us, their impact stays in our hearts.”
- Encourage children to write, draw, or say a kapitel Tehillim for someone.
- Normalize emotional swings—grief does not follow a straight line.
Understanding Public vs. Private Grief
- Some families choose a private levaya, while others invite the public. Both choices are valid. Even though we davened for someone and feel connected to their pain, we must respect the family’s wishes.
- Teach older children and teens about respecting boundaries on public platforms—not every tragedy needs to be reposted or commented on publicly.
Addressing Emunah and Difficult Questions
When children ask, “Why did Hashem let this happen?”, it’s okay to admit we don’t have all the answers.
- Validate their feelings: “That’s a very good question. Many gedolim struggled with that too.”
- Acknowledge the mystery of Hashem’s ways: “Even Moshe Rabbeinu asked Hashem why bad things happen to good people. It’s okay to not understand everything.”
- Encourage conversation: “What do you think? What feels true to you?”
- Reinforce that emotions and Emunah can coexist: “Emunah means believing even when we don’t understand everything.”
The goal isn’t to “fix” their doubts but to help them explore their thoughts in a healthy way.
Helping Children Feel Secure and Empowered
- Saying a kapitel Tehillim for a choleh or for Klal Yisroel.
- Doing a chessed l’iluy nishmas someone.
- Keeping a regular schedule—routine helps children feel stable.
- Reminding them that there are always people helping—first responders, doctors, and tzadikim leading the way.
Age-Appropriate Communication Strategies
Ages 4-8 (Concrete Thinkers):
- Keep explanations simple and direct.
- Offer physical comfort (hugs, sitting close).
- Use stories and mashalim to help them understand.
Ages 9-12 (Logical but Emotional):
- Provide clear explanations without overwhelming details.
- Allow them to ask questions over time.
- Help them identify and name their emotions.
Teens (Abstract Thinkers):
- Encourage honest, deep discussions about Emunah and pain.
- Teach them how to process news responsibly.
- Validate that everyone reacts differently.
Final Thoughts
Difficult conversations do not need to be perfect—they just need to happen. Children do not expect us to have all the answers, but they need us to be honest, reassuring, and available to them.
The most powerful thing we can tell a child is: “I’m here. You’re safe. We can talk about this together.”
Downloadable Resources
The Darcheinu and Our Path SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) teams have created a one-time session for their partner schools to use in the classroom to help students process and cope with the ongoing situation in Israel.
At this time, Amudim is offering both these sessions for free on the Darcheinu and Our Path SEL websites for any school (or parent) that wishes to download these materials.
Responding to a Student’s Death by Suicide:
A Guide for School Administrators
The Torah commands the mitzvah to learn, through the words vishinantem livanecha, we must teach our children. The primary responsibility for being mechanech and educating our children falls on the parents. The school system exists to support this goal. As partners with parents and the family structure, the school administration should seek guidance from and work together with the affected family in any crisis situation. This resource aims to provide support and guidance in fostering such a partnership with empathy and care. We hope to see a day when we will no longer need such resources, amen.
The loss of a student to suicide is a deeply complex event that affects the entire school community. A structured and compassionate response is critical in ensuring appropriate support for students, staff, and families.
Amudim, a nonprofit dedicated to crisis intervention and mental health support, created this resource to help school administrators, educators, and crisis response teams navigate both immediate and long-term challenges.
While focused on suicide-related crises, this guide can be adapted for any tragic event affecting students by adjusting specific details.
Developed with Expert Guidance
This guide was developed in collaboration with leading mental health professionals, crisis response experts, and educators who specialize in suicide prevention and postvention strategies. Our approach is informed by research-based methodologies and best practices from organizations such as:
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)
The National Association of School Psychologists (NASP)
The Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC)
Amudim’s Crisis Response Team
Licensed mental health professionals specializing in trauma and bereavement
Designed as a practical framework rather than a substitute for clinical care, this guide provides clear steps for communication, student and staff support, and fostering a culture of mental health awareness and suicide prevention.
Death by suicide is one of the leading causes of death among young people in the United States. It significantly impacts adolescents, with many experiencing suicidal thoughts, making plans, or attempting suicide.
Prevalence of Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviors:
Source: 2022 NSDUH
22.3% of high school students seriously considered attempting suicide in 2022.
10.2% of high school students attempted suicide in 2022.
Suicide Rates Among Youth:
Source: CDC
Death by suicide was the second-leading cause of death for individuals aged 10 to 34 in 2021.
In 2021, death by suicide was the third leading cause of death among U.S. high school youth (ages 14–18), with 1,952 recorded deaths, a rate of 9.0 per 100,000 youth.
Underreporting of Death by Suicide:
Source: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Death by suicide is often underreported, as some cases may be classified as unintentional or accidental deaths due to unclear circumstances.
Impact on School Communities:
The death by suicide of school personnel or family members can profoundly affect children and adolescents, increasing their risk of distress, grief-related trauma, and suicidal ideation.
These statistics highlight the urgent need for suicide prevention programs, mental health education, and accessible crisis intervention within schools and communities. Schools play a crucial role in identifying at-risk students, fostering open conversations about mental health, and ensuring support systems are in place to prevent further tragedies.
For immediate help, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 for those in crisis.
Immediate Next Steps: Activating the School Crisis Team
As with any death or other crisis event, the school crisis team should be activated after a suicide has occurred.
Verify all information with the family before making any announcements, ensuring accuracy and sensitivity. Follow the family’s wishes regarding what details to share and how to communicate them, respecting their guidance on public dissemination.
Notify the school crisis team. Assign responsibilities and ensure that mental health professionals are available.
Prepare staff before notifying students. Hold a meeting with teachers to ensure a unified message.
Communicate with students appropriately. Provide a clear, factual message, avoiding graphic details or speculation.
Avoid sensationalism. Suicide should not be glorified in any way that might make it appear as an appealing option for distressed students.
Provide access to mental health resources. Ensure students know where to seek support and make professionals available.
Monitor at-risk students. Pay particular attention to close friends, students with prior suicide attempts, and those who exhibit emotional distress.
Communicate with parents. Send a letter home with clear information on the school’s response and available support services.
Reach out to external support services. Organizations like Amudim, Chai Lifeline (Rabbi Fox), and Ohel (Norman Blumenthal) can provide crisis intervention.
Notifying Staff Before Students:
Conduct a staff meeting before school begins.
Ensure all teachers and faculty receive the same accurate information.
Allow staff to ask questions and express concerns.
It is important to allow teachers and other school personnel to ask questions and voice concerns before they face students.
Openly discussing the death by suicide sends the message that it is “ok” to talk about the topic.
For example, when addressing school personnel, the leader of the crisis team may say, “there has been a death by suicide of one of our students, (Student Name).” Then insert facts as they are known but omit graphic details.
Prepare staff to respond to student questions appropriately.
If a teacher does not feel able to talk to his/her students about the death by suicide, another faculty member should be available to assist.
Addressing Students:
Share the news in small, naturally occurring groups (e.g., homeroom, advisory periods).
Avoid large assemblies or public announcements.
Every effort should be made to ensure that all students are present at the time this information is shared so all students receive the same information simultaneously.
Use direct language:
“We are deeply saddened to share that [Student Name] has died. We know that some of you may be struggling with this news, and we want to ensure that everyone has the support they need.”
Avoid phrases like “committed suicide” (which implies wrongdoing); instead, use “died by suicide.”
Include information about the availability of mental health and support services and how students may access these services