FREEDOM FROM PERFECTION
Not everyone experiences Yom Tov the same way. Even for the same person, it can shift year to year. It can feel meaningful, or heavy, or both at once.
The pace picks up, the house gets louder, the expectations are growing. On top of that, routines disappear, and a moment of peace can feel out of our reach. For some of us, that energy feels alive and exciting and for others, it’s A LOT to hold.
Plan Your Pesach
Daily tools to help you navigate this season
The overwhelm doesn’t always look the way we expect it to. Sometimes it shows up as snapping over things that wouldn’t usually get to us, going quiet out of nowhere, or sitting there low-key scanning for our moment to slip out the door.
Plan for the moment. We don’t have to freestyle our way through it.
Today, we are planning for the moments that we know may come. For everyone, this will look a bit different. For some of us, maybe it’s our ADHD child who will not stop bouncing off the walls while we are trying to get through the Haggadah. For others, perhaps it’s spending Yom Tov with family members we know do not understand us. Let’s think about what those difficult moments look like and see if we can build a plan that gives us an out before we hit our limits.
If it starts to feel like too much, you don’t need a complex solution. You need something small that works. Slow your breathing. Put your feet flat on the floor and notice a few things you can see. Hold something cold. Step outside. You’re not trying to fix everything. You’re just trying to get through the next few minutes without tipping over.
When our capacity has hit its max.
If it goes beyond stress and you are in a moment of crisis, your safety always comes first. Harav Dovid Cohen, shlit”a, made it extremely clear that even on Shabbos and Yom Tov, if you are in a mental health crisis, you are allowed to use your phone. As Reb Chaim Soloveitchik said, “I’m not meikil on Shabbos – I’m machmir on pikuach nefesh.”
HaRav Dovid Cohen and HaRav Shmuel Meir Katz, shlit”a, each issued a public p’sak halakha allowing those experiencing mental health emergencies to use phones, computers, and cars to obtain help on Shabbos. HaRav Shmuel Meir Katz, shlit”a, said clearly, “Anyone with mental health issues, behavioral problems, addictions, working on the 12 steps… has to make sure that his recovery is rock solid.” He continued by saying, “If he or she thinks that there is a chashash (worry, fear, or doubt) that he must speak to a sponsor, join a Zoom meeting, whatever it is – whenever. Shabbos, Yom Tov – it doesn’t make a difference.”
Watch the full video:
If things feel like they’re already building, take a few minutes now to put something small in place: Plan Your Pause
And if you want to be part of something simple but meaningful, you can send a message to someone who might be struggling, and we’ll pass it along anonymously, or you can sign up to receive one. No names, no information shared. Just people showing up for each other.
Pesach doesn’t have to be perfect… and you don’t have to push through it alone.