A video released by the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre showed grandparents coming to visit, with one child welcoming a kiss while the other clearly does not. The video went viral, with many disturbed by what they saw as an attempt to undermine familial relationships, even as it addressed the important topic of consent. The controversy made international headlines, with Ireland’s justice minister describing it as “inappropriate and demeaning to grandparents,” and unfortunately, the campaign’s larger message has gotten lost in the shuffle.
“The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre had a real opportunity to educate families and promote healthy boundaries,” says Amudim Executive Director Andy Lauber. “Instead, they missed the mark. The goal isn’t to create distance between generations, but to raise children who feel safe, respected, heard, and deeply connected to the people who love them.”
Children need to learn about consent, but the concept goes far beyond a grandmother’s kiss. That moment when one brother wants to wrestle, but the other prefers not to, is a teachable one. Explaining to a child who declines hugs that her sister has the right to turn down her well-meaning embraces is yet another valuable lesson. Our children learn through those exchanges, gaining the skills to express their own boundaries, while respecting someone else’s.
Amudim’s parenting series, My Space. My Feelings. My Voice, addresses those conversations, with guidance from experts in the field on how these lessons develop, how to teach respect alongside boundaries, and what to say when feelings get hurt.
Shira Berkowitz, LCSW, Director of Darcheinu, explains that social and emotional learning doesn’t start by treating the people around a child as a threat. It starts with the child: noticing what they are feeling, paying attention when something feels uncomfortable, and understanding the difference between a healthy boundary and an unhealthy one. “This is my body, and my body should be respected at all times,” Berkowitz says. That is what allows a child to recognize when someone oversteps, whether a stranger, a relative, or a close family friend.
And knowing isn’t enough. “Every skill that we teach, we practice,” Berkowitz says. “Who are we telling? What are we saying? What do we do about this?” A child who has rehearsed those answers can say no with confidence.
A loving Bubby can help teach that lesson by accepting a child’s decision to turn down a kiss, giving them the confidence to know that they have been heard, are respected, and still loved. And parents can be confident that children will speak up when something doesn’t feel right, even if it involves someone they love.
It wasn’t just the Dublin campaign that fell short - the resulting backlash did too. The public outcry could have asked what lessons could have been learned here. Instead, that question has yet to be answered, even as the arguments continue.